Marriage Made of Secrets Read online

  After she explained what she wanted, the doctor made an appointment to see her the next day.

  She spent the rest of the day with her father. He looked much better and even recognized her this time. In halting words often interrupted by acute coughing fits, he tried to explain why he’d treated her so badly.

  Her mother had fallen sick almost immediately after Ava had been born. Irrational as he knew it to be, her father had secretly blamed her for losing his wife.

  ‘It’s not an excuse, but every time I saw you I was reminded of Caroline.’

  Tears clogged Ava’s throat. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Don’t apologise. What I did was wrong. I pushed you away. I have no right to be, but I’m glad you’re here.’

  She left in a less sad mood than she’d arrived in.

  Cesare might not love her but he cared about her enough to want her to return. Her heart tightened in pain at the thought that he might never love her as much as she loved him but whatever he felt for her...it was enough.

  The drive to London took just over two hours and, all through the consultation, Ava told herself she was doing the right thing.

  When the doctor finished talking through the procedure, she took a deep breath and signed the papers.

  ‘How long will it be before I can go home?’

  ‘If everything goes according to plan, you should be able to leave us in the morning.’

  She could be back in Italy by nightfall tomorrow. The thought of seeing Cesare and Annabelle again sent a soft sigh of happiness through her.

  Her phone pinged and she realised she’d never got round to listening to Cesare’s messages the night before.

  She scrolled through and pressed the first one.

  When the nurse appeared to prep her for her procedure, she was stunned by the look on her patient’s face.

  * * *

  Cesare cursed the traffic leading up into Regent Street, and resisted the urge to lean on his horn. Instead he made do with a string of coarse expletives as his heart lurched at what lay ahead of him.

  What had she done? Santa Maria, what had his Ava done?

  He’d already been on his way to the airport when Celine had rung in a panic. When he’d learnt exactly what his fiery, reckless, exceedingly breathtaking wife was planning, Cesare’s blood ran cold.

  Even as he sat here, uselessly inching his way forward in the godforsaken traffic, he could barely fathom it.

  He gave into the urge and leaned on the horn. Rude gestures greeted his action, but he kept his hand in place until the driver in front crept forward enough for him to squeeze through.

  Ten excruciatingly long minutes later, he slammed on the brakes and sprinted into the reception of the Harley Street practice.

  When he announced himself, the receptionist’s eyes widened.

  ‘What room is my wife in?’ he barked.

  With a shaky finger, she pointed down the hall.

  Cesare had never known such fear in his life as he skidded towards the door.

  Dio, please let him not be too late.

  Inside, Ava sat on the bed, her lovely hair tucked under a gruesomely ugly surgical hat. Her face was pale, but she wore the widest smile he’d ever seen as she pressed the button on her phone.

  She hadn’t seen him yet, her focus firmly on the phone. Cesare’s breath caught as his voice echoed around the sterile room.

  Ava, I know I’ve wronged you in the most hurtful way. But I am only mortal, cara, and this mortal loves you more than the fates will ever give me time on this earth to express. I promise to spend the rest of my life making amends, to giving you the family you’ve never had, if you let me. I will also let you go if that is what you ask of me. But please let me know you are safe, amore mio. I beg you.

  ‘I can say it again in person, if you prefer.’

  Her head jerked towards him, her stunningly gorgeous green eyes locking on his. Her smile slammed into his heart and he stopped breathing.

  ‘Cesare, what are you doing here?’

  Dio, he loved this woman. Loved her with a power that made his world tilt on its axis every time he looked at her.

  ‘What am I doing here? Shouldn’t I be asking you that? What the hell are you thinking, doing this to me?’

  Despite her smile, her eyes rolled. ‘I knew it was only a matter of time before it all became about you.’

  She held out a hand to him. He swallowed and sent a silent prayer of thanks.

  On seriously shaky legs, he approached the bed and took her hand. Warmth flowed from her. With another sigh of relief, he raised her hand to his mouth.

  ‘Tell me you haven’t gone through with the procedure—?’

  ‘Not yet—’

  ‘Not ever!’ Several emotions coursed through him. He tried to keep it under control but they continued to shake right through him. ‘Ava, why in God’s name would you do this?’

  ‘For the same reason you’ve been trying to find a way for us to be together. Last week in Rome before Celine called, what were you really going to talk to me about?’

  ‘I was going to tell you there would be no divorce. I had no immediate solution but I was willing to do whatever it took to keep you and Annabelle in my life.’

  ‘So you were ready to find a way to give me what I wanted.’ He nodded. ‘Well, I’m ready to do what it takes too. This is an equal opportunities marriage.’

  ‘Yes, but this isn’t your problem, cara. The Tays-Sachs aside, I let what happened with Roberto and Valentina shame me into suppressing what I wanted until it was almost too late. You and Annabelle are the most precious things in my life and I nearly lost you both.’ He stopped, his breath shuddering out. ‘I’ve accepted that I didn’t handle things with Roberto very well and that I couldn’t help him when he was in pain. It’s something I have to live with.’

  ‘Wherever he is, I’m sure he’s at peace now,’ she said.

  He nodded. ‘And I’ll make peace with it some day. But not at the cost of my family. And not at the cost of this condition. I cannot...I won’t let you take the burden on your shoulders.’

  Although her heart lifted, a hint of shame stung her. ‘I’m not without fault myself. What you said, about me putting you front and centre of everything I wanted in a family...you were right. After my mother died, dreaming of a perfect family was what kept me together. I was like one of those women you see sitting alone in a coffee shop, watching couples go past and doodling her imaginary husband and children’s names on a napkin, only I used my camera. Then you appeared and I didn’t stop to think of what you wanted...my whole focus was on making my dream come true. When you didn’t immediately fall in line with my plans, I began to despise you for it.’ She looked deep into his eyes, her heart laid bare. ‘I’m sorry.’

  With a deep groan, he pulled her tighter, kissed her until they were both out of breath. ‘I’ll forgive you if you give me a lifetime to make amends to you and to Annabelle for all the time I’ve lost with you.’

  Her heart began to race. ‘A lifetime?’

  ‘Sì, non-negotiable.’ He looked around the sterile room. ‘And, speaking of non-negotiable, you accept that this is out of the question, don’t you?’

  ‘No. You’ve sacrificed enough for this family—’

  ‘By walking away? By leaving you to care for our child on your own? How is that caring?’

  ‘I was so hung up on finding a perfect family that I refused to see you were battling serious demons. I wanted you to be perfect for me and I had no right to do that. And the conversation I overheard on the phone, that was you arranging to have a medical procedure, wasn’t it? You were willing to deny yourself a chance to become a father again just so you could hang onto us. What’s that if not sacrifice?’

  He clutched her hand tighter. ‘I
was going to discuss it with you first. I wasn’t ready to give you up. Despite what I said in that message, I’m not and I never will be. But I don’t want to risk passing this gene on to another child.’

  She leaned forward and kissed him, and Cesare felt his heart stutter crazily.

  ‘So let me do this. For us. It’s time for me to lighten your load.’

  ‘Absolutely not. You’re not getting your tubes tied and I don’t even want to hear the word hysterectomy.’

  ‘Cesare—’

  ‘It’s out of the question!’

  ‘You know, I’m sure there’s a rule that says you can’t yell at the patient.’

  He didn’t know whether to kiss her or shake the living daylights out of her. He contented himself with pulling the ugly cap off her head and stroking his fingers through her gorgeous fiery hair. ‘Then you need to be nice to me.’

  She frowned. ‘What do you mean—be nice to you?’

  ‘When Celine called and told me what you were planning, I called the doctor and altered the arrangement a little bit. No, don’t death-stare me. We will discuss this first like a normal married couple. And then we will agree to do things my way.’

  ‘You’re having a vasectomy.’ She didn’t frame it in a question because she saw the resolution in his eyes.

  ‘Mio bella moglie, this is something I have thought long and hard about.’

  ‘I’ll think about it, too, if you repeat the message you left on my phone.’

  ‘Which one?’

  ‘The one that says how you feel about me.’

  ‘They all say how I feel about you. Each and every one of them ends with me telling you how much I love you.’

  Her mouth dropped open. Unable to resist, he kissed her.

  ‘Oh God, please say that again,’ she whispered against his lips when they parted.

  Her helpless plea stopped his heart. In fact, Cesare was sure he hadn’t taken a complete breath since he’d walked into the room. The enormity of the sacrifice she’d almost made swept him away.

  Tears prickled his eyes and he squeezed his jaw tight to stem the flow. But he knew he’d failed when he felt wetness on their entwined fingers.

  ‘I love you, Ava mia. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving how much I love you.’

  ‘I love you too, so much my heart bursts with it.’

  Ava felt her heart lift at the complete adoration in her husband’s eyes. Tears fell freely from her eyes as she basked in Cesare’s love. When he leaned over and brushed them away more fell.

  Gently, he cupped her face and smoothed his thumbs over her cheeks. Then, leaning forward, he kissed her eyes closed. ‘Amore, don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry.’

  ‘Get used to it. I intend to cry very often.’

  ‘But only tears of happiness, sì?’ he asked desperately.

  ‘Maybe. I can’t promise that any more than I can promise not to turn into a scream-with-happiness girl.’

  ‘Whichever you decide to be, I’ll be by your side, loving you.’

  Ava’s heart leapt and basically did crazy things that would’ve scared the doctors had they known about it. Cesare kissed her again and kept on kissing her until the nurse found the courage to knock on the door. The almost indecent scene she found made her hesitate before giving a delicate cough.

  ‘The doctor’s ready for you now, Mr di Goia. If you’d like to come with me, please?’

  Ava grabbed him when he started to move away. ‘Sorry, change of plan. We’re both leaving.’

  Cesare frowned. ‘Ava?’

  ‘If I’m not having the procedure, neither are you. We’ll find another way. Together. Yes?’

  His eyes shone with love as he nodded. ‘Together.’

  EPILOGUE

  ‘ARE YOU ALL right?’ Cesare whispered in her ear as they watched the old, gaily painted SUV travel slowly up the driveway.

  ‘No,’ Ava whispered back.

  A deep masculine laugh caressed her lobe. ‘Why can’t you be like other women and say, Yes, I’m fine, thanks?’

  She grinned and faced him. ‘Where’s the fun in that?’

  ‘For a start, it would cause me less heartache.’ He caught her fingers in his hand and kissed the di Goia wedding emerald he’d placed back on her finger the day he’d come for her in London.

  She placed her hand over his heart and delighted in his hitched breath as it skipped a beat. ‘I see what you mean.’ When she went to remove it, he placed his hand over hers. He looked over her head at the advancing car.

  ‘Do you think they’ll like us?’ His voice was tinged with anxiety.

  Ava marvelled at the change in the strong, self-possessed man she’d renewed vows with six months ago. Cesare hadn’t lost any of his endless self-assurance, but he’d become more open, more in touch with his feelings in a way that made her love him even more than she’d ever dreamed possible.

  They’d agreed to go ahead with Cesare’s vasectomy—he’d been too tortured by the idea of passing on his Tay-Sachs gene to any future children—but only after Ava had insisted on gene therapy and a rather large sperm bank deposit. The idea of a vasectomy reversal had also remained firmly on the table.

  So, whatever the future held, they had options.

  For now, though, one decision they’d made together had come to fruition.

  She leaned up and planted a swift adoring kiss on his lips. ‘Cesare, the babies are six months old. The likelihood that they’ll fall in love with you at first sight is very, very strong. Trust me.’

  The vehicle stopped and two women alighted. Cesare, with his arm still around her, stepped forward to greet them. The moment he smiled, they melted.

  Dear heaven, even nuns weren’t immune to her husband’s charm.

  Smiling too, she descended the stairs and greeted the two nuns who ran the orphanage in Amalfi. After introductions were made, Ava led them into the salone before, heart thumping wildly, she brought herself to glance into the twin car seats.

  There, lying sweetly beneath their blankets, were their son and daughter. Their approval for adoption had gone through two weeks ago. Her heart skipped in joy as Suor Rosa pushed the first seat gently towards her.

  ‘Here is Maria. Her afternoon naps are very precious to her, so be warned.’

  Suor Chiara smiled and handed the second seat to Cesare. ‘And this is Antonio.’

  Cesare glanced into the car seat and his eyes misted. She knew he was remembering Roberto.

  ‘He’s the quieter of the two, but he has a very strong will,’ Suor Chiara said.

  Cesare gazed down silently at his son, then lifted a hand to brush the baby’s cheek. ‘He will grow into a handsome man, just like his uncle.’

  ‘No. Just like his father,’ Ava murmured to him.

  He smiled at her, a smile so filled with love her heart turned over.

  An hour later, the nuns left. Ava stared at Cesare and he returned her look with an equally bewildered expression. ‘Three children. Are we mad?’ he asked.

  ‘Quite possibly,’ she said, laughing. ‘So, shall we show them to their room?’

  Inhaling audibly, he nodded. They picked up the seats and were barely in the hallway when an exclamation of delight sounded behind them. They turned as Annabelle flew towards them. ‘The babies are here!’

  Cesare stopped and introduced his daughter to her siblings.

  Annabelle lifted wide eyes to her. ‘Mummy, can I go show them my room? I’ll share my toys with them, I promise. So can I? Can I?’

  ‘That’s a brilliant idea, sweetheart. I’m sure they’ll love that.’

  Annabelle whooped. Over the top of her head, Cesare’s eyes met hers. His smile blew her clean away.

  ‘I love you,’ he murmured.

&nbs
p; ‘Right back at you, caro,’ she echoed.

  * * * * *

  Keep reading for an excerpt from THE DIVORCE PARTY by Jennifer Hayward.

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  CHAPTER ONE

  IT WAS GOING to be bad.

  Lilly Anderson winced and put a hand to her pounding head. If she held herself in just that position, with the pressure building in her head like the vicious storms that picked up intensity across the plains of the midwest, it might not become a full-on migraine.

  Might not.

  Except staying in the dim confines of Riccardo’s Rolls-Royce, driven by his long-time driver Tony, wasn’t an option tonight. She was late for her own divorce party. Excessively late for the one thing that would give her what she wanted above all else. Her freedom from her husband.

  “Oh, my God.”

  Her twin sister Alex made a sound low in her throat. “How can they print this stuff?”

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Alex, read it to me.”

  “It’s Jay Kaiken’s column. You don’t want me to.”

  “Read it.”

  “Okay, but I warned you.” She cleared her throat. “In what’s expected to be the most scandalous, juiciest, talked-about water cooler event of the season, billionaire wine magnate Riccardo De Campo and former Iowa farmgirl-turned-sports-physiotherapist Lilly De Campo host their divorce party tonight. I once suggested they were the only passionately in love couple left in New York. But apparently even that fairytale doesn’t actually exist. Rumors of heartthrob Riccardo’s infidelity surfaced and this once solid marriage ended up in the toilet. So it’s with mixed feelings that I bid this partnership adieu tonight. I have the invite and will bring you all the salacious details.”