His Ultimate Prize Page 18

  Whatever Rafael had been running from still chased him with vicious relentlessness. The thought made her heart ache so painfully, she was halfway to picking up the phone when she stopped herself.

  What would she say to him that she hadn’t said before? He’d made it painfully clear he didn’t want her interfering in his life. Like all his relationships, she’d been a means to an end, a sexual panacea to make him forget. She had no choice but to accept it was over.

  She needed to put the past in the past and move on.

  Which was why she nearly binned the invitation that arrived a week later.

  The All-Star event’s last race was taking place in Monaco. To be followed by an All-Star gala in honour of the drivers who’d given up their time to raise money for the road safety programme.

  The only thing that stopped her from throwing the invitation away was the hand-written note from Sasha de Cervantes on behalf of her and her husband.

  Sasha had been a good friend to her when she’d first joined the X1 Premier. Raven knew she’d put her friendship with Rafael on the line because of her and it had almost caused an irreparable rift between them. Certainly, she knew that not admitting Raven’s role in Rafael’s accident was what had caused the initial friction between Sasha and Marco.

  So although attending the gala would mean she ran the risk of coming face to face with Rafael, Raven slid the invitation and the accompanying first class aeroplane ticket into her bag, then spent the next three days desperately trying to stop her heart from beating itself into exhaustion every time she thought of returning to Monaco.

  * * *

  Rafael stood before the door leading to the study at Casa León, where his father waited. Contrary to his intentions when he’d left Mexico two weeks ago, he hadn’t made the trip to León. The indescribable need that had assailed him as he’d lifted off the racetrack in Mexico had led him down another path. A path which had brought him an infinitesimal amount of comfort. Comfort and the courage to grasp the door before him...and open it.

  His father was seated behind his ancient desk in the room that seemed to have fallen into a time warp décor-wise.

  ‘Buenos tardes, Papá.’

  ‘Mi hijo,’ his father replied. My son. ‘It’s good to see you.’

  Guilt and sadness welled in Rafael’s chest as he let his gaze rest properly on his father for the first time in eight years. His hair had turned almost completely grey and his limbs, paralysed thanks to Rafael, appeared shrunken. But his eyes, grey and sharp like Marco’s, sparked with keen intellect and an expression Rafael thought he’d never see again. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. ‘Is it?’ he asked, his throat tight with all the emotions he held within.

  ‘It’s always good to see you. I’ve missed you. I miss you every day.’

  Rafael advanced into the room on shaky legs, inhaling an even shakier breath. ‘How can you say that after all I’ve done?’

  ‘What exactly do you think you’ve done, Rafa?’

  He let out a harsh laugh and speared a hand through his hair. ‘Por favor, Papá. Condemn me to hell. It’s where I belong, after all.’

  ‘I think you’ve done a good job all by yourself. Now it’s time to end this.’

  ‘End this?’

  His father nodded to a file on his desk. ‘Sit down and read that.’

  The hand he reached across the desk felt as feeble as a newborn’s. The file contained a three-page report, one he read with growing disbelief.

  ‘What is this?’ he rasped through numb lips.

  ‘It’s the truth of what happened to your car that day, Rafael. You’re not responsible for your mother’s death.’

  Shock hollowed his stomach. ‘No...it can’t be. Please tell me you’re not making this up in some attempt to make me feel less guilty.’

  ‘As your father, it’s my duty to comfort you when you feel bad. It’s also my duty to make you see the truth in front of your own eyes. You’ve been so bent on punishing yourself you’ve failed to listen to reason or contemplate the evidence. You told me when you first drove the car that you felt something wasn’t right. That’s what made your brother decide to investigate further. It turned out your hunch was right.’

  ‘It says here all fifteen models of that car have been recalled for the same error. But it doesn’t excuse the fact that I was running on fumes that day, high from partying even though my body was exhausted from being up almost twenty-four hours straight.’

  ‘All things you’d been doing since you hit late puberty. All those things combined, while it gave me nightmares as a father, didn’t make me think for a second that you would be dangerous behind a steering wheel or I wouldn’t have bought you such a powerful machine, and I certainly wouldn’t have allowed my beloved Ana in the car with you.’

  The pure truth behind his father’s words hit him square in the solar plexus. He stumbled backward and sagged onto the ancient leather armchair.

  ‘I can’t...I don’t know what to say.’ His head dropped into his hands and he felt tears prick his eyes.

  ‘Let it go, Rafa. You’ve punished yourself enough over this. Your mamá wouldn’t want this for you.’

  The sob choked him, hot and tight and cathartic. Once it started, he couldn’t seem to make it stop. He didn’t even have the strength to lift his head when he heard the haunting whine of his father’s wheelchair.

  ‘Enough, son...enough.’

  He looked up through a mist of tears. ‘Forgive me, Papá.’

  His father’s smile touched him in a way that went beyond the physical. ‘There’s nothing to forgive. There never was.’

  Footsteps sounded and Marco walked in, cradling his son, with Sasha right behind him.

  She stopped dead when she saw him, her eyes widening in disbelief. ‘Good grief, I never thought I’d live to see the day you’d be reduced to tears, Rafa. Quick, Marco, activate your phone’s camera. We’ll make a killing on YouTube.’

  Marco laughed, their father snorted, even baby Jack chimed in with a hearty gurgle.

  ‘So, we’re all good here?’ Marco asked several minutes later, his grey eyes probing as they darted between his father and his brother.

  Rafael’s gaze met his father’s and the unconditional love he saw made the tightness in his chest give way just a tiny bit further. ‘We’re getting there.’

  He had a feeling he’d never get there completely. Not while he felt a part of himself still missing.

  * * *

  ‘Pacing a crater through that carpet won’t make the next few hours of your life any easier. You’re screwed ten ways to Sunday. Accept that now and you’ll be fine.’

  Rafael glared at the amusement on his brother’s face and clenched his fist. ‘Don’t you have an adoring wife somewhere who’s waiting for you to swoon over her?’ He walked over to the balcony overlooking the immense ballroom and scoured the crowd again, his stomach clenching when he didn’t spot the figure he sought.

  ‘Sí,’ Marco replied smugly. ‘But watching you twist yourself into knots is fun, too.’

  ‘Keep it up and I’ll be twisting my fist into your face.’

  Marco grinned, an expression that had been rare in the years after his own personal tragedy of losing his unborn child. Sasha had brought the smile back to his brother’s face. A smile that was now rubbing him a dozen different wrong ways.

  As if he knew he was skating close to the edge, Marco sobered. ‘If it helps, I messed up with Sasha, too.’

  ‘It doesn’t. Sasha is a soft touch. I’m not surprised she was fooled by those puppy-dog eyes of yours.’

  Marco laughed. ‘You’re in more trouble than I thought if you’re that deluded.’ When his brother tapped him on the shoulder, Rafael was ready with a pithy response. Instead he saw Marco nod over his shoulder.

 
‘Your Armageddon is here. I’d wish you luck but I’ve always thought you were dealt more than your fair share at birth. So I’ll just suggest you don’t balls it up...’

  Rafael had stopped listening. His attention, his whole being was focused on the figure framed in the double doors of the ballroom.

  Her black silky hair was caught up in a high, elaborate bun that made her sleek neck seem longer. And her dress, a simple but classy white gown threaded with gold sequined lines, followed her curves in a loving caress that made his mouth dry.

  The vision of her, so stunning, so held together while he was falling apart inside, made his fingers tighten over the banister railing.

  He watched Sasha approach and hug her. Her smile made his breath catch and, once again, Rafael felt a bolt of dismay at the thought of what he’d thrown away.

  A waiter offered her a glass of champagne. She was about to take a sip when her gaze rose and collided with his.

  The force of emotion that shot through him galvanised his frozen feet. He was moving along the balcony and the stairs before he’d taken a full breath.

  Sasha saw him approach, gave him a stern don’t-mess-this-up-or-I’ll-castrate-you look and melted away into the crowd. Raven made no move to walk away, and he wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or disturbed because her face gave nothing away.

  No pleasure. No censure. Just a careful social mask that made his heart twist.

  ‘You’re late.’ Ah, brava, Rafa. Brava.

  ‘My flight out of London was delayed due to fog. I explained to Sasha. She’s forgiven me.’

  The not-so-subtle barb found its mark. I’m not here for you.

  He wanted to touch, wanted to feel the warmth of her skin so badly, he had to swallow several times before he could speak.

  ‘I need to talk to you.’

  Her eyes widened. ‘Why? I thought you said all you had to say in Mexico.’

  He tried for a careless shrug. ‘Perhaps I have a few more things to say.’

  She glanced away and gave her still-full glass to a passing waiter. ‘I don’t want to hear it. We were never friends, not really. And you fired me from being your physio. That leaves us nothing in common.’

  ‘I’m seeing a therapist,’ he blurted out.

  Shocked eyes returned to his. ‘You are?’

  His smile felt false and painful. ‘Yes, I figured I must be the only high-profile figure without the requisite head-shrinker as an accessory. Now I’m a fully fledged, card-carrying whack-job. But I still want to talk to you.’

  She pressed lightly glossed lips together and shook her head. ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea.’

  Feeling the ground rock under him, he reached out and captured her wrist. ‘You were right.’

  Her breath caught. ‘About what?’ she whispered.

  He started to answer but a burst of laughter from nearby guests stopped him. ‘Not here.’ He pulled her towards the doors and breathed in relief when she didn’t resist. The lift ride up to his VIP suite was made in silence. After shutting the door, he threw his key card on a nearby table and shrugged off his tuxedo jacket.

  ‘You were right about everything.’

  She turned from the window overlooking the stunning marina. Her gaze slid over him, a hasty assessment which nevertheless made the blood thrum in his veins.

  ‘Even I can’t take responsibility for everything.’

  ‘According to my shrink, I’m suffering from a combination of survivor’s guilt and PTSD. Together, they make for one sexy but volatile cocktail of emotions.’

  She licked her lips then curved them into a quick smile. An impersonal smile. She started to move towards the door. ‘Well, I’m happy that you’re getting some help. If that’s all, I’ll return downstairs. I don’t wish to be rude to Sasha—’

  ‘I also spoke to my father.’

  She froze. He took advantage of her hesitation and stalked after her. Catching her around the waist, he pulled her body into his. She gave the tiniest gasp but didn’t fight to get away.

  Rafael took that as a good sign. ‘I finally flew to León and spoke to my father.’ He gave her the gist of their family meeting.

  ‘Why are you telling me all this, Rafael?’ she whispered.

  He pulled her closer until he felt the sweet curve of her bottom against his groin. For a quick second, he lost himself in her scent, breathed her in and let her warm his frozen soul. The past three weeks had shown him there was an even worse hell than the one he’d previously inhabited. Because in that one he’d lost Raven.

  Hell without Raven was a whole new reality. One he was desperate to escape.

  ‘You made me face up to my flaws, to seek help before I hurt anyone else.’ He couldn’t stop himself from brushing his lips against her nape.

  Her delicate shudder gave him hope but her next words dashed them completely. ‘So you wanted to thank me? I accept your gratitude. Let me go, please.’

  He held on tight. ‘I’m seeking help, Raven, learning to change. But I need you. Without you, all this will be for nothing.’

  She finally turned in his arms. The look on her face threatened to stop his breath. ‘You can’t do this because of me. You should want to seek help for yourself.’

  ‘Sí, even I get that. But nothing I do will have any meaning unless you’re part of that change.’

  ‘What exactly are you saying?’ she whispered.

  Go for broke, Rafa. Hell, there was nothing left to lose. No, scratch that. There was everything to lose. Without her, his life had no meaning. So he took the biggest gamble he’d ever taken.

  ‘Lo siento. I got it horribly wrong. I’m sorry.’

  ‘What did you get wrong?’

  ‘Not seeing the treasure I had in you until it was too late.’

  She shook her head and grimaced. ‘I’m no treasure, Rafael. I am just as damaged as you. I fooled myself into thinking a half-life was better than letting myself feel. You made me see that I’d let my father’s treatment of me cloud my judgement so I pushed everyone away.’

  His hand tightened on her waist. ‘You know what I want to do?’

  She shook her head.

  ‘I want to track him down and ram my fist so far down his throat, he’ll never speak again.’

  ‘Don’t let your shrink hear you say that.’

  His smile felt grim and tight. ‘I said I was trying to change. I never said I was aiming for saint of the year.’ He sobered. ‘I’m disgusted that my behaviour brought up what happened to you when you lived with him.’

  ‘That’s just it. Deep down I knew you were nothing like him but I’d programmed myself so thoroughly I let myself grasp the excuse when everyone told me you were nothing but a ruthless playboy.’

  ‘And of course I went out of my way to prove them right.’

  ‘If you were, you’d never have agreed to stop flirting with other women. Never have refused Chantilly’s blatant invitation.’

  Raven saw the flash of self-disgust and pain in his eyes.

  ‘There was a time when I wouldn’t have.’

  ‘Past tense. You’re a better man now. A better person.’

  ‘Because of you.’ His knuckle brushed down her cheek in a gesture so soft and gentle, tears threatened.

  Despite the foolish hope that threatened, Raven’s heart remained frozen. She couldn’t remain here. If she did, she’d end up making a total fool of herself.

  ‘I have to go—’

  ‘I love you,’ he rasped in a whisper so fierce it sizzled around the room.

  ‘I...what?’

  His heartbreakingly beautiful face contorted in a grimace. ‘I’m still broken, querida, not so much on the outside any more, but I’m a long way from being perfect. And I know it’s selfish of me but I want you
so very desperately that I have to ask you to consider taking a chance on me, flawed and hideous as I am.’ Acute vulnerability shone from his eyes and, when he grasped her arms, Raven felt the tremor in his fingers.

  ‘You love me?’

  ‘I have no right to, and I can’t promise that I won’t be a complete bastard on occasion, but sí, I love you. And I’ll do anything to make you agree to hitch a ride with this broken wagon.’

  ‘Rafael...’

  He kissed her silent, as if he was afraid of what she’d say. She kissed him back, infusing every single drop of what she felt into the act. Somehow, he got the message.

  He pulled back sharply, the question blazing its intensity in his eyes.

  ‘Yes, my gorgeous man. I love you too.’

  A frenzied tearing of clothes followed that sweet, soul-shaking confession. They made love right there in the living room, on the plush, expensive rug helpfully supplied by the five-star hotel.

  She held her breath as Rafael slid on the sheath and prowled his naked body over hers. Hardly believing that this beautiful man was hers, she caressed her fingers down his firm cheek. He turned his head and kissed her palm, then, being the shameless opportunist he was, he kissed his way down her arm to her shoulder, then over her chest to capture one rigid nipple in his mouth.

  At the same time, he parted her thighs with his and entered her in one bold thrust. Their coupling was fast, furious, their need for each other a raging fire that swiftly burned out of control.

  When they’d caught their breaths, Rafael moved, picked her up and walked her into the bedroom.

  ‘Should you be doing that?’ she asked.

  ‘I’m a renewed man. I can move mountains.’ He let go of her and she tumbled onto the bed. Before she got totally lost in the effortlessly skilled seduction she knew he was aiming her way, she placed a hand on his lips.

  ‘We haven’t talked about your racing.’

  His settled his long frame next to hers, his eyes serious. ‘I think I need to concentrate on getting myself mentally in shape before I get behind the wheel. I’ve turned down a seat for this season.’