Marriage Made of Secrets Page 14

  Her gasp of pleasure triggered his own, and just like before they found their own unique rhythm, the sheer bliss of their coming together so mind-blowing he was at the point of no return before he knew it.

  Cesare forced himself to hang on despite the teeth-grinding need to let go. The effort it took was monumental, especially in the moment when Ava slammed down onto him one final time before losing herself in her blistering orgasm.

  ‘Oh God,’ she rasped as she collapsed onto him, her spasms causing him to see stars as he waited...waited... ‘God, Cesare, I’ve missed you so much.’

  The heartbreak in her voice made his gut tighten painfully.

  ‘I’ve missed you too,’ he responded gruffly. Her spasms gentled. He gripped her hips and pushed his hard length inside her, finally permitting himself to take his own pleasure. It didn’t take long. With one final thrust, he pulled out of her. Ava jerked in surprise. He kissed her and she melted into him. He groaned in pleasure, unwilling to entertain the tinge of regret permeating his pleasure as he lost himself in his climax.

  Several minutes later, their breaths calmed. Against his chest, Ava murmured sleepily. As he caressed his fingers through her hair, Cesare knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would fight Fate herself for a solution if he had to.

  * * *

  Ava walked into the large sunlit kitchen and immediately saw the note pinned to the fridge door. She’d woken to an empty bed, an empty apartment and troubled thoughts.

  Her intention last night had been to find a definitive solution to the state of her marriage. Instead she’d fallen under her husband’s spell. Again. Pulling her robe around her, she padded further into the kitchen. Plucking the note from the magnet, she read Cesare’s sprawled, bold writing.

  Gone to get breakfast. Present for you on coffee table. C.

  She studied the complicated-looking coffee machine for several minutes before pressing the least harmful-looking button. Crossing her fingers that it wouldn’t end in disaster, she trod on cool wooden floors to the all-white, stunningly decorated living room that boasted floor-to-ceiling windows.

  Her heart skipped a beat as she eyed the large, exquisitely packaged box. Raising the lid, she gasped at its contents.

  The camera was one she’d coveted for a long time but had never thought she’d own because of its astronomical price. State-of-the-art, with a zoom lens and sharpness beyond anything she’d ever seen, it was the crème-de-la-crème of cameras.

  Her fingers tingled as she lifted its heavy but comfortable weight. It had already been assembled and a gleeful smile curved her lips when she turned it on.

  Rushing out onto the terrace, she focused and snapped a series of panoramic pictures, making sure to catch the iconic St Peter’s Dome in the frame. She took a few closer still—Campo de Fiori a few hundred metres away, the ever-present fountains that could be found all over the city, and the awe-inspiring statues that Rome was famous for.

  Leaning over, she focused her camera on the street below. Several residents enjoyed breakfast at outside cafés that shot off from the square. She zoomed in with her finger poised to click, only to pause when a familiar figure swung into view.

  Ava lowered the camera and stared.

  In the morning sunlight, the sight of Cesare in a torso-hugging T-shirt and jeans stole her breath. He held a container bearing her favourite breakfast trattoria’s logo in one hand, a newspaper tucked under his arm and his phone to his ear. A slight breeze ruffled his hair, and several women seated outside a smart café turned to ogle his long-legged body as he passed.

  He seemed oblivious to the looks. In fact he seemed far away. Slowly, she lifted the camera and zoomed in on the man she’d shared her body with last night.

  She clicked several times, the professional in her adjusting the camera to make the most of every single frame. But with each picture she took, her heart lurched.

  Without warning, he stopped. The newspaper fell from his arm and Ava saw his face whiten. For several minutes he stared into space, until a scooter backfired in the distance, galvanising him into motion, the newspaper discarded.

  When he disappeared from view to enter the apartment building, Ava slowly lowered the camera. With dread, she glanced down at the pictures she’d captured.

  Ice clutched her heart as she reviewed each frame. Far from looking like a man who’d just left his wife’s bed sated and happy, Cesare looked as if he was caught in the middle of a living nightmare.

  The sun disappeared behind a cloud, momentarily casting the terrace in shadow. The portentous effect wasn’t lost on her.

  She’d risked her heart again by sleeping with Cesare last night. A heart that had never completely healed from being battered once. Now she knew she’d placed it in harm’s way again.

  Her fingers clenched around the camera when she heard Cesare’s key in the lock. Taking a deep breath, she walked into the living room just as he entered.

  He saw her and paused. Wordlessly, his gaze raked over her, sending her pulse on a roller coaster dive.

  ‘Thank you for this—’ she indicated the camera ‘—it’s very kind of you.’

  ‘Prego.’ His gaze stopped at her bare feet, then climbed back up. ‘I wasn’t sure what I’d hope for more on my return—to find you still in my bed or to have the temptation of making love to you again taken away from me by you being out of it. Not that a bed is necessarily a means to an end.’ The grim delivery of his words made her heart drop further into despair.

  ‘You don’t sound like you would’ve preferred the former option.’

  His ragged laugh as he veered towards the kitchen caught at her insides. ‘Trust me, cara, I would’ve enjoyed it. I would take sweet oblivion with you over reality any day.’

  She trailed behind him. ‘So, you don’t regret last night?’

  The carton containing their breakfast landed on the countertop none too gently, followed by his phone. He came at her, stopping a bare inch shy of touching distance.

  ‘I explored your body so thoroughly that every inch, every kissable freckle is imprinted on my memory. I should be sated but my hunger for you burns with a force that almost hurts. Right this minute I would love nothing more than to spread you over this counter, bury my mouth between your legs, lap my tongue over your sweet spot until you come for me, again and again. Does that sound like regret to you?’ he breathed, his eyes fixed on hers in studied concentration.

  Ava wasn’t sure how it was possible to feel hot and cold at the same time. But she did. Somehow, she managed to croak, ‘No.’

  His body tight with tension, he stepped back and strode over to the coffee machine. ‘I’ll make another cup for you. This one’s cold.’

  ‘Cesare, what’s wrong?’ she asked because something was wrong. Desperately wrong. Despite her bold words, she quaked inside.

  His shoulders stiffened, but he carried on pushing buttons. Only when the familiar sound of coffee percolating echoed through the kitchen did he face her.

  ‘You know that bit in a movie when you know the good guy has done something really bad and is going to get it in the neck but you keep rooting for him anyway?’

  Ava set her camera down before she dropped it. ‘Yes?’ Her voice emerged shaky.

  ‘That’s not me, Ava. I’m the bad guy, who selfishly took what he shouldn’t have, then compounded his situation by making things a million times worse.’

  ‘How have you made things worse?’

  He shook his head as if words failed him. She moved towards him, her feet hardly making a sound across the hardwood floor.

  Cesare heaved a breath, struggled to calm the riotous feelings rampaging through him. He raked a hand through his hair, unable to bear the thought of telling her what he’d woken to—what the future held for them.

  When he lowered his hand, Ava reache
d for it. He focused on her, his heart thumping now to a different beat, the hard pounding of want, of the selfish need to forget the last ten minutes. To go back and suspend time at the exact moment he’d woken up in Ava’s arms.

  But questions flooded her eyes—questions she’d grown so tired of asking but had never diminished nonetheless. What had she asked him? What was wrong? As if he’d spoken aloud, she nodded. ‘Tell me,’ she demanded firmly.

  He tried to speak but the words wouldn’t form. To speak would be to condemn him to hell for ever. But he’d known as he’d torn himself from Ava’s warmth this morning and seen the missed call from Celine that he’d run out of time.

  His hand tightened around hers and he led her to the living room and urged her down onto the sofa. He paced, yearning with everything inside him not to have to shatter her peace. She watched him, her expectant gaze gradually turning into a frown.

  ‘For God’s sake, whatever it is, just spit it out. Please,’ she added, her plump lips trembling before she firmed them. ‘You’re scaring me with that bringer-of-the-Apocalypse look.’

  Sucking in a breath, he sank down next to her. Immediately her evocative scent filled his nostrils. The urge to remain silent, to breathe it in and just drown in her heady essence almost overcame him. He suppressed a grimace.

  He clasped his hands to stop their shaking. ‘Celine called this morning but I missed it. I called her back ten minutes ago.’

  The fear that entered her eyes chilled his heart. ‘And?’

  ‘She had the results. Roberto died from Late Onset Tay-Sachs syndrome.’

  A shake of her head. ‘I’ve never heard of it.’

  ‘It’s not a common condition. According to Celine, it is almost always misdiagnosed. Most people only know about it when it affects them.’

  ‘Is it...did Roberto suffer?’ she asked in a pained whisper.

  His breath shuddered through his chest. ‘Sì. It’s a horrible disease.’

  When she put her hand on his cheek, he nearly lost it. He greedily absorbed the touch because he knew it would be gone soon, once she knew the whole truth.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Cesare. For you and for what Roberto went through.’

  ‘Save your sympathy, cara. I don’t deserve it.’

  Her fingers trembled against his cheek. ‘Why would you say that?’

  ‘Because the condition...it doesn’t begin and end with Roberto. It’s a genetic defect that is passed down from parent to child.’

  Her eyes remained blank, then slowly widened, filling with horror as the implications of his words finally sank in. Her hand dropped like a stone and she paled, the freckles dusted along her cheeks standing out against milk-white skin.

  With everything inside, he wanted to take the pain away.

  Ava fought to breathe. Moments ago, she’d been harbouring hope that they were about to discuss how to find their way back to each other.

  Instead, he’d dropped this...this...

  ‘Are you saying...that...you and Annabelle both have this gene?’ The words scoured her throat.

  Pain ripped across his face. ‘Yes. I passed it to her. You called me bringer-of-the-Apocalypse. You were right.’

  ‘But...she’s perfectly healthy. Other than the odd cold, and what she suffered with the earthquake, she’s never been sick a day in her life. And you’re not sick either.’

  ‘No, I’m...not.’

  Something in his response caught her attention. ‘Cesare, what aren’t you telling me?’

  His glance held a wealth of pain that made her heart lurch. ‘Because both my parents carry the gene, what happened to Roberto could happen to me.’

  ‘Did your parents know?’

  ‘I’d like to think they wouldn’t deliberately keep something like this from Roberto and me. I saw what losing him did to my mother. I’m guessing they don’t know. Like I said, most people don’t know they have it until they fall ill.’

  For one blazing second she was fiercely glad his parents had been ignorant because they’d not only brought Cesare into her life, they’d also given her Annabelle. Then a thought trickled through, further chilling her blood.

  ‘So what are the repercussions for Annabelle?’

  His eyes took on a haunted look that stilled her heart. ‘It could remain dormant all her life, or...the gene could mutate and she could develop complications,’ he replied starkly.

  A dark sound tore from her throat. Horror built, overcoming every other emotion as her insides screamed with disbelief at what he was telling her. Her daughter, her lovely daughter who had survived an earthquake, susceptible to a potentially life-threatening disease...

  ‘Did you suspect something like this? Is that why you kept Roberto’s illness from me?’ The thought made her heart crack with pain. ‘How long had he been seriously sick?’

  ‘He’d been deteriorating for a year. It worsened in the last six months.’

  Shock made her draw back, tears swiftly following as emotions tumbled through her. ‘You knew all that, knew that something was very wrong and you kept it from me?’

  He tried to reach for her. ‘These were all second-hand reports. I didn’t know just how bad he was. And I wanted to protect you—’

  ‘Don’t you dare say you were trying to protect me! You had no right to keep such a thing from me. What if Annabelle had fallen sick and I didn’t know what was wrong?’ Terror clutched her heart. ‘Dear God, Cesare, what if she’d...’ She couldn’t voice the words. When he gripped her arms, she didn’t move because she couldn’t find the strength. Her insides felt numb and the horrific reality gripped her.

  ‘Don’t think like that.’

  Slowly she raised her head. ‘Why not? It’s what you’ve been doing. At least now I understand the look you get when you look at Annabelle. You’ve been expecting the worst, haven’t you?’

  Cesare paled even more and the lines around his mouth compressed. ‘I needed to be sure. It was why I postponed coming back to Bali. Roberto refused my attempts to see him. But six weeks ago, just before we left for Bali, he asked for me.’ He sucked in a shuddering breath. ‘He’d taken a turn for the worse. I think deep down he knew he wasn’t going to make it. When I found out the extent of his illness, I contacted Celine. She tried to make him see a specialist but he refused. It was almost as if he’d given up...which was why we suspected suicide.’

  ‘Oh God...’ A strangled sob emerged.

  His hands tightened on her arms. ‘Cara, I’m sorry—’

  She wrenched away from him. ‘You shouldn’t have kept all this from me, Cesare.’

  He gave a grim nod. ‘I regret that. But I wanted to spare you the pain.’

  ‘You had no right to shoulder this alone. We were thousands of miles away. What if something had happened to you?’ The thought brought a fresh bolt of horror.

  ‘Nothing did. You had enough to deal with after the earthquake. I was not going to add to your distress.’

  ‘That should’ve been my choice to make.’

  Regret bit into his features. ‘I told you, when it comes to you I seem to specialize in making bad situations worse.’

  Her daughter—her precious baby girl—had a condition she’d never even known about. A deep shudder wracked her body. She tried to still her trembling but it got worse. A quick glance showed Cesare was caught in his own personal hell.

  ‘Umm...the Apocalypse thing...I didn’t mean it,’ she muttered through stiff lips.

  He gave a raw, pained laugh. ‘But you were right.’ He lifted a hand as if to touch her, then dropped it back down. ‘Roberto shut himself off in Switzerland because of me. He suffered...alone for a long time because I didn’t know how to reach him.’

  Ava sucked in a breath. ‘No. He shut himself off because he lost the love of his life, and decided t
o deal with it his way,’ she said but Cesare wasn’t listening.

  ‘I keep thinking if I hadn’t met Valentina in New York, hadn’t given her a job, Roberto would’ve known some happiness...had the family he wanted.’

  ‘Unless you have a direct dial to Fate, I think you can let go of that one. Some things you can control but sometimes things just happen.’

  ‘The earthquake—’

  ‘Just happened.’

  ‘Dio, Ava, our daughter shouldn’t have been there in the first place. You saw that marketplace in Bali. How could I not think she had been taken from us as payback for what I did to my brother?’

  ‘You can choose to live in guilt for the rest of your life or you can choose to believe that ultimately you weren’t responsible for Roberto. Even though you weren’t close, you tried to look out for him. You took the woman he loved under your wing and tried to help, even when he blamed you for what happened in New York. I think you need to give yourself a break for that.’

  He digested that for a while but, even though the pain in his face abated a little, his eyes remained haunted.

  ‘As for Annabelle, she wasn’t taken from us. We found her,’ she added.

  Another harsh laugh. ‘Yeah, we did. And look what I’ve delivered to her fragile life. You have to face the fact that I’m bad for you, I have been since the moment we met. But...’ He shoved a hand through his hair.

  ‘But...? You’re going to walk away again?’

  ‘No!’ He lifted his gaze, and Ava’s heart stopped at the gut-wrenching bleakness in his eyes. ‘I can’t. Annabelle is my flesh and blood, the most important thing in my life.’

  Ava’s gut tightened until she couldn’t breathe. ‘And since I’ve made us a package deal you’re stuck with me too, right?’

  ‘I didn’t say that—’ He surged up beside her as she stood. ‘Where are you going?’

  She shoved a hand through her hair, unable to stop the terror churning through her belly. ‘I can’t stay here—’

  ‘You can’t leave!’ He grabbed her arms. ‘We haven’t finished talking.’